


on that need to know basis

by PurpleCatGhost



Series: HLVRAI Writetober 2020 [6]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: (In his own funny way), Canon-Typical Violence, Fair warning it's a little fucked up at the end, Fatherly G-Man, G-Man Lore? G-Man Lore, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I don't know how to describe it, Memory Alteration, Mind Manipulation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27022228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleCatGhost/pseuds/PurpleCatGhost
Summary: Deep breath. Smile for the camera. Speak with confidence and act like you are always one step ahead.Act as though you are the puppet master behind it all. As though you are in control.(Even though you are not.)
Relationships: Gordan Freeman & The Science Team, The G-Man & Gordon Freeman, The G-Man & The Employers, Tommy Coolatta & The G-Man
Series: HLVRAI Writetober 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1949443
Comments: 7
Kudos: 86





	on that need to know basis

**Author's Note:**

> Day 14: Altered
> 
> This got a lot longer than I thought it would be.

Gordon “The One Free Man” Freeman is in danger and that simply won’t do.

The G-Man has many roles to play and prides himself in his ability to multitask all of them. Most of said roles are confidential, if not all, but that is simply the way things are. G-Man works best from the shadows with the only eyes watching him being from his Employers.

One such role is ensuring the survival of Gordon Freeman. His Employers are insistent on this fact, though won’t give him a reason why this one human man is so important. Not that G-Man needs to know the reason. G-Man has never needed a reason other than to do his job.

(Though it does help that Tommy is just as interested in Gordon Freeman’s survival as his Employers.)

G-Man’s job does not include holding Gordon’s hand through the events that transpire, however. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. G-Man is required to only step in when it gets life threatening. 

The first few fixes are simple enough. Gordon falls but G-Man quickly teleports him to where he needs to be. There’s a tad too many aliens who could potentially kill Gordon so G-Man lowers their numbers. 

The military gets their hands on Gordon. Their intention is to kill him by leaving him unconscious in a trash compactor. G-Man moves Gordon out of harm's way.

All of these events were simple. Gordon didn’t even know there was another force at play. Successful, not that G-Man is ever anything else.

But then it gets complicated. Because Gordon has been forcefully separated from his Science Team and on the run from the military.

G-Man internally huffs. If he could get rid of the military, he would without question. Why his Employers keep them around us beyond him. But nonetheless, he has a job to do, so G-Man gets to work.

Getting Gordon out of there subtly is out of the question. Gordon is rushing through the halls of Black Mesa, footsteps echoing while a hoard of soldiers follow him with their fingers firmly on the trigger. As much as G-Man hates stepping out of the shadows, performing his job correctly is more important than anonymity.

Gordon Freeman fixates on his back as he rushes through the halls and dodges their attacks. He doesn’t notice the portal open up in front of him until he plunges right into it. 

A startled gasp escapes him. The darkness that surrounds him seems to make him as frightened and confused as a fish out of water. Thankfully, unlike a fish out of water, Gordon is perfectly safe in the environment he’s in. G-Man is certain of that.

The portal closes behind Gordon, sending him spinning in circles, trying to find an exit. G-Man supposes he should provide one. Safer or not, the vast Void Between Worlds that G-Man is all too familiar with does not make Gordon Freeman comfortable. Though G-Man needs a controlled area for Gordon to stay in while he locates the rest of the Science Team.

So much to manage. Not that G-Man can’t handle it.

A storage room in the far corner of Black Mesa seems to be relatively untouched and safe. G-Man creates a portal from there to the void. It’s almost funny how quickly Gordon rushes through the portal when it appears again.

There. Gordon Freeman is safe. G-Man can focus on the Science Team now.

Normally locating them would be far easier than a walk in the park but the Resonance Cascade has tampered with far more than just the physical world. Xen Energy floods all of Black Mesa and hinders G-Man’s usual Seeing Abilities. The fact that he can navigate Black Mesa at all is a miracle. Once familiar places are now convoluted and one of the few things G-Man can even recognize anymore is his own son’s energy signature.

However his son must be in an area _filled_ with Xen Energy because G-Man cannot find him. There’s a feeling in his chest that’s burning, _suffocating, **sickening-**_

But G-Man takes a deep breath and deals with it. _Focus. Hone your strength, Xen Energy is nothing but fog, you can break through it. You are stronger than Xen._

_…Oh, god damn it._

Gordon Freeman is trying to leave the storage room. Of course he is. Because the universe keeps testing G-Man today and nothing can go smoothly.

Not that he can’t handle it, of course. G-Man is always prepared for anything and everything. _He does his job and never fails._

Continuously teleporting Gordon back into the room G-Man wants him to be is a lose-lose situation. Gordon’s distress will only grow despite G-Man’s best intentions and it’ll cause far too much energy. He must take a direct approach, as much as he hates to.

G-Man teleports directly behind Gordon, arms folded behind his back. He takes a deep breath before speaking. “Mr. Freeman, what do you think you’re doing?”

An alarmed yelp escapes Gordon. He whips around and presses his back against the door he was just trying to escape though, though there’s recognition in his eyes once he sees G-Man. His gun-arm still remains pointed firmly at him but he does hesitate.

And that’s something at least.

“You… I’ve _seen_ you before.” Gordon says breathlessly. “You spoke to me about… Protecting someone? I-...” 

His gun-arm lowers now. It’s better but G-Man can see it in his eyes: Gordon still doesn’t quite trust him. Not that G-Man particularly blames him. They aren’t acquainted yet. “What- what do you _want_ from me? Are you the one making portals?”

“I am, yes.” G-Man answers with a level gaze. “I’m the one who rescued you from the brutal hands of the military.”

More than once technically but that is not information that Gordon needs to know.

Gordon’s mouth opens and closes. G-Man figures he’ll have questions and waits patiently for him to find his words. “...Thank you.” He says at last.

G-Man blinks. “I did not rescue you for any sort of gratitude. It is not needed.”

“First time getting thanked?” Gordon’s tone is light. He means it as a joke, an effort to break the tension. 

What he doesn’t know is that it is true. G-Man has never received thanks for a ‘Job well done’ so directly like this. Other than from his son that is. But Gordon doesn’t need to know that either.

“I need you to stay here.” G-Man continues, ignoring Gordon’s question on purpose. “I intend to reunite you with your Science Team, but it will take time. You need to stay here so that I may keep an eye on you easily. Understood?”

Gordon gulps at that. His eyes scan the storage room, something else on his mind. G-Man wishes he was a mind reader. Talking with humans would be so much easier. Their emotions are far harder to read than those G-Man is used to.

“It’s perfectly safe.” G-Man tells Gordon, catching his attention. He waves an arm over it all and speaks steadily. “There is nothing to worry about. You are far from harm.”

G-Man glances back to Gordon. His expression isn’t nearly as reassured as G-Man would like. _Did he not hear me? Why does he still look like that? All of his worries should be resolved- why aren’t they resolved? I thought I resolved them._

“Mr. Freeman, you appear troubled.” G-Man asks at last.

“I uh…” Gordon lets out a long breath and starts over. “I’ve had a _long_ day, right? And- and most of it, I’ve had to spend alone. Which was… Not great. Not great at all. And safe or not, being in a storage room alone just kinda _irks_ me, okay? I- I don’t know why but I just… _Really_ don’t want to be alone right now.”

_…Ah._

“You wish for company.” G-Man says slowly. _“...My_ company.”

“I’m- I’m not asking for conversation or anything like that- you don’t have to do that. But- can you at least stay in the room with me? It- it would help. A lot.”

G-Man considers this. He can theoretically do his job here. Not to mention, he’s meant to look after Gordon. Keep him alive. If staying in the same room with him will improve his mental state, then G-Man supposes that it really is the least he can do.

“Very well.” Gordon sighs in relief, shoulders slumping and his legs crumbling beneath him. Gordon is already slumped against the door before G-Man can finish speaking. “I suppose I can stick around and ensure your safety.”

_“Thanks.”_ Gordon breathes. His head rests against the door, eyes flickering shut. Now that he’s looking at him up close, G-Man can’t help but notice the dark circles under his eyes. Humans don’t normally have those, do they? Is he sick?

“Mr. Freeman.” A single orange eye cracks open and half heartedly meets G-Man’s gaze. “There are dark markings around your eyes. Is something wrong?” He holds up one hand, allowing it to glow with power. “I am not skilled at healing but I can see what I can do if you are unwell.”

Gordon groans softly and shakes his head. “I haven’t been sleeping well, that’s all. I just need a bit of rest.”

G-Man isn’t entirely sure whether or not this information is accurate but he doesn’t know enough information to dispute it. So instead, he nods and Gordon’s eyes close again. He doesn’t seem to relax like before, however. After a few minutes, his eyes open wearily again and he begins to rub his face with his hands. 

“You appear restless.” G-Man comments. “Anything I can do?”

“Can you turn back time?” Gordon lets out a pitiful chuckle. “Because I- I would _love_ to go back and just… Fix everything. _God, this is all my fault.”_

G-Man frowns. “You are not responsible for events that happened out of your control.”

“I- I fucked up the experiment!” Gordon throws his hands into the air and lets them fall onto his lap. His expression twists into one of deep _regret._ Stronger than G-Man’s ever seen on a human. “The Resonance Cascade caused all of this and- and it wouldn’t have happened at all if not for me! I think that damn near qualifies as my fault.”

G-Man falls silent. Not because Gordon is right but because G-Man knows he’s wrong.

And G-Man knows this for certain because the Resonance Cascade was his doing.

Another job from the Employers with no explanation as to why. They told him that the Resonance Cascade causes a chain of events that need to happen. They gave him the Xen Crystal to donate to the project and G-Man tampered with the machine. The project would’ve gone according to plan otherwise. 

This has never been Gordon’s fault. It’s always been G-Man’s. And it’s not right that Gordon seems to live with a guilt that isn’t his own.

G-Man cannot tell him all of that, no matter how much he wants to. His contract forbids it. However, G-Man can tell him selective bits of it, just enough to steer him away from his own guilt. G-Man owes him that at the very least.

“This was not your doing, this was Black Mesa’s doing.” G-Man tells him slowly. It catches Gordon’s attention and holds it. “Black Mesa knew the risks and took them anyways. They put you in charge of a time bomb, do not blame yourself because it exploded.”

Gordon doesn’t respond to that. G-Man can’t tell if that’s a good thing or a bad one, though he would like to think it’s the former.

G-Man intends to get back to work but Gordon Freeman asks one question that makes him stop. 

“Who are you?”

A simple question to most but G-Man has never been most. His life, his existence, his work- it’s always been complicated. G-Man has gotten used to being too complex to fully explain that he hasn’t had to explain anything in a long time. Not since he talked with Tommy when he was fifteen.

But G-Man intends on protecting Gordon Freeman and some part of him decides that he deserves to know who watches him in the shadows. 

“They call me The G-Man. I believe it stands for ‘The Government Man’ but I’ve heard… Variations. ‘Goodman’ is one I favor. ‘Garry’s Man’ is one I do not. Either way, this title of The G-Man has been adopted as my name.”

“And- and why are you helping me? Or _following_ me for that matter. I keep seeing you out of the corner of my eye and I- _why?”_

“Tommy Coolatta cares about you.” G-Man’s mouth twitches upward fondly. “And it is in my best interest to keep my son happy.”

“Your- your son?” Gordon stares at him like his eyes are open for the first time. He wouldn’t be the first. Most couldn’t seem to figure out they were related since they acted so differently. But once told, it was rather obvious to figure out. They shared similar faces, sharp and angular, not to mention that both of them had rather striking eyes.

“So…” Gordon squints his eyes at him. “You’re doing this for Tommy then? Just for Tommy?”

G-Man hesitates, a mistake that Gordon picks up on immediately. Gordon’s eyebrows furrow. “Why else?” He pressed.

“Classified.”

“Class- _classified?”_ Gordon’s face twists in disbelief. “You- you’re fucking with me, right?”

G-Man has gotten several responses like this over the years. He knows that responding with amusement never gets a positive reaction but even the best parts of him cannot handle it. A soft chuckle leaves him and Gordon’s disbelief drops.

A man like Gordon could never understand how truly amusing his reaction is. He lives a life so different from G-Man and could never understand the layers of white lies and shadows G-Man is embedded into. 

How very funny it is to realize that something so ordinary for one life is completely foreign to another.

“You see, Mr. Freeman, that information is on a need to know basis, and you do not need to know.”

Gordon sputters at that. “What- I can’t even know why you’re helping me? Not- not even a vague explanation?”

“It is my job.”

“Your job?” And this is why G-Man doesn’t give even vague answers. Give a target an answer and they’ll want a hundred more. “What- what kind of job involves watching me?”

“Classified.”

“Do you follow other people too?”

“Classified.”

“Who- who’s _employing_ you?”

_“Heavily_ classified.” G-Man adds with a patient smile. Gordon gives him a flat look.

“I thought you were supposed to be _helpful.”_

“My help begins and ends with keeping you alive and whatever requires such.” G-Man tells him. “You are unfortunately nowhere _near_ qualified to know of my Employers.”

Gordon crosses his arms and huffs. Clearly he got the hint that G-Man was not going to budge. “I can’t even _imagine_ what type of people must employ someone like you to do all of _this.”_

G-Man’s body unwillingly goes rigid. Thinking about his Employers makes his head fog up, and through the fog, there they are.

_They are many or they are one, he cannot tell. They’re tall tall- **far too tall and too many eyes.** They watch- always watching, always seeing, **always in control,** everything is under their control, can’t you see? Voices- so many voices- **always so patronizing and self righteous** \- do not question them, they are more than you will ever be. They are kind, they are serious, they are unforgiving, they are arrogant, they will outlive you, **and they know far more than you will ever know.**_

_“You have been selected to see The Employers.”_

“Uh… Mr. Coolatta?”

_“In exchange for your services, we grant you this power. Do not abuse it or it will be stripped from you.”_

“Are- are you okay?”

_“Do not ask why, simply do as you are told. Everything has a reason but you do not need to know the reason."_

“Your eyes… Seriously, are you okay?”

_“We expect perfection. Do not disappoint us.”_

“Hey!”

G-Man blinks. Gordon’s gaze is focused on him intensely, searching his eyes. He must’ve noticed that G-Man is paying attention now because he seems to swallow in relief, though still seems apprehensive.

“You good, man?” Gordon says slowly.

G-Man’s hands twitch so he distracts them by adjusting his tie. “Of course.” He says smoothly. 

Gordon isn’t so easily convinced. “It’s just that… Your eyes got _really_ bright and blue for a second there? It was pure blue- no pupils or whites-”

“Simply deep in thought.” G-Man brushes him off. Gordon’s mouth closes and stays that way. _For the best._ There are certain things that G-Man could not even begin to explain.

Just as G-Man returns to finding the Science Team, he feels a powerful spike in energy- one that is familiar to him. Similarly to a red flare, G-Man is easily able to locate the source because of it. He would know Tommy’s energy anywhere.

“I’ve located them, Mr. Freeman.”

Gordon perks up. “The Science Team?” G-Man nods and is rather surprised by how quickly Gordon gets up. It seems the thought of seeing them again has re-energized him.

“Ready?” Gordon sucks in a breath and nods. G-Man snaps his fingers and a portal sparks to life. Gordon briefly hesitated before stepping through. G-Man takes a different route, stepping through a portal of his own and appearing in a place where he has a direct view on the Science Team but still keeps his distance.

The bunch seem to be lacking their usual passion, sitting around in anticipation as Tommy is concentrating on sending out his own version of a distress beacon. 

G-Man smiles softly at him. He taught that trick to him when he was young so that G-Man could come whenever Tommy needed him. It used to be difficult to pick up but since then, G-Man has found that he could be galaxies away and still get the message. How much he has grown.

It takes a minute but the portal appears before them and Gordon exits it clumsily. The Science Team is on their feet the second they see him and it isn’t long before one of them hugs him. G-Man isn’t surprised it’s Tommy, neither is he that everyone else follows. 

G-Man settles in place. Another successful job. Gordon Freeman is in safe hands. His Science Team will protect him, not that G-Man won’t still be tailing them to make sure he doesn’t get into any more trouble.

A pair of brilliant, yellow eyes meet his. Tommy gives him a smile and G-Man returns it. A portal opens up behind him and G-Man knows he has to leave, but gives Tommy a ‘Be safe’ look before he does.

G-Man’s job continues.

—

His Employers want an update. G-Man rarely feels nervous but this is one of the few times he does.

Regardless, he stores it away before entering their domain.

A pocket in time and space- a watchtower for them to reside in. Practically impossible to find unless you know where to look or have a guide of some sort. The Employers have made it so that you cannot stumble into it accidentally and for good reason. They don’t want unwanted visitors. 

And as soon as G-Man sees The Employers again, he is hit with a wave of memories. The Employers- _how could he forget what they looked like? Or what they sounded like?_

Well… G-Man does know the answer to that question.

“The G-Man…” One of them says. They are the biggest of the bunch, looming over G-Man. “We would like an update on Protect FREEMAN…”

G-Man has to take a moment to get himself in order. The rush of memories is always an overwhelming one but G-Man can handle it. He’s handled it countless times before.

“Gordon Freeman was briefly under attack by the US Military.” G-Man answers carefully. “I had to engage with the target directly in order to ensure his safety as I connected him back with his… Team.”

_“Engaged directly?”_ Another scoffs. This one has a twisty body and long claws that make a _'Clack clack clack'_ noise as they tap. _“Risky, risky, risky. Don’t like that.”_

“What does Subject Gordon Freeman know because of this encounter?” A third questions. They only have one eye but it's mesmerizing and colorful _and mesmerizing and..._ “Is he aware of what you’re doing? Is he aware of our intentions? Well… Perhaps scratch the latter.”

They are all so much bigger than G-Man. There is a vast void in this pocket in time and space and G-Man only occupies a small portion in it. He’s a dot in the middle of a starry night that would take a telescope to see.

“Gordon Freeman is aware he is under my protection and that is it.” G-Man answers as evenly as he can. Though deep down, he knows there is no hiding from them. They’ll figure out any emotion he tries to hide, though luckily they’ll keep it to themselves. Not that G-Man is fond of them knowing in the first place. 

“It’s all on track then, is it not? Gordon Freeman will head to Xen and do what needs to be done?” A fourth asks, eyeing him expectantly. They have hundreds of eyes and every single one of them stares at G-Man.

“Of course.”

“Good. Then we will release you to return to your job.” A long arm reaches out for him. G-Man’s breath hitches and just before it touches his forehead, he steps back.

Everything freezes.

“...The G-Man, is there something else you need to talk to us about?”

“I…” G-Man thickly swallows his hesitation. “I would like to remember. I can handle it.”

A pause follows. A _long_ pause. “The G-Man… We do not doubt your capabilities-”

“Then release me without… _That.”_ It leaves his mouth before he can process it. A sigh seems to leave The Employers, which he doesn’t take as a good sign.

“The G-Man, we do this for a reason… You cannot know our identities as it would put you at risk. We have enemies.”

“I’m aware-!”

“Then do not fight this.” One says firmly. “We have a certain way of doing things for a reason. You do not need to be in such danger."

The hand reaches out again and this time, G-Man knows he can’t avoid it. A finger presses to his forehead and suddenly, it’s all slipping away. The Employers, their personalities, what they look like, and sound like- all stripped away and only left with the very nature of their existence.

“You see, The G-Man,” one of them says as the faces all blur together until all he can imagine is one shadow with several different voices, “Our existence is on a need to know basis.”

_“And you do not need to know.”_

**Author's Note:**

> This originally was going to be a lot shorter but I had fun with the Gordon and G-Man interaction that I just kept going with it! I really just wanted to think about G-Man's state of mind and his job and Employers and this was just kinda born. Wasn't entirely sure how to tag this one so if I need to add anything, tell me and I'll get it done!
> 
> Because of the nature of this one, not going to add anything else. I hope you all enjoyed! Thank you for reading and consider leaving a comment! They're always encouraged and appreciated!
> 
> ([My Tumblr](https://purplecatghostposts.tumblr.com))


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